And This All Started With a Popup
by AsianAnimeGamer
Summary: What happens when Cartman get a coupon for a free set of Hetalia units? What happens when he decides to cash it in? Broken bones, tears (both happy and sad), madness, insanity, and strange foreign foods all included! (We are not reponsible for any injuries from refusing correspond with our manual's instructions.)
1. Prologue

**Hey guys, this is a new story I am working on. so there's not a lot of crossovers between my two favorite fandoms, so I decide to give it try as a challenge. A unit fic. Hopefully, I won't fail balls at this.**

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Pop

Click.

Pop.

Click.

Pop.

Click.

This was how Eric Cartman's Saturday was going. Why he wasn't out at a bar, partying with bucketfuls of alcohol was the real mystery. Well, it was a long story. Preferably one he would rather not tell. But it did have to do with half of the school bolting to the bathroom stalls to hurl the cafeteria's mystery meatloaf.

Cartman's eyes narrowed. He was getting attacked by these pop-ups, no matter how many times he clicked them. But a new one caught his eye. In bright fuchsia font, it proclaimed, "FREE SET OF HETALIA UNITS! ALONG WITH NEW, `SPECIAL`, UNRELEASED, ONE OF A KIND, UNITS!"

Cartman's eyes suddenly took on an air of interest. Free? Now there was something. He quickly scanned the popup again.

"Print out your free Hetalia units coupon and redeem it at your local lotto office!"

Cartman grinned. He had heard about the Hetalia units. They were the newest and most popular sex toys for teenage girls right now and almost every girl would kill to get one. However, they ranged from a few hundreds to thousands and they were high maintenance. Fortunately, the company who manufactured the units had a habit of giving random units to almost anyone who had internet connection.

Cartman rubbed his hands gleefully together. He had a plan.

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**Cartman, I do not want to know what you did at school. More to come.**


	2. Bunny Wearing Dude

**Swearing! Don't like, don't read.**

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"You want to cash in this!?"

The clerk exclaimed, his eyes as wide as saucers.

"Um yeah, I want to." Cartman rolled his eyes. "Is there a problem?"

He had been getting that reaction a lot and he had no idea why. Frankly, it was pissing him off. Kenny was tagging along, just to get away from his drunken alcoholic parents, his usual reason for following Cartman.

"Yes- I mean no, but haven't you-"the frustrated clerk shook his head frantically. "You know what? Never mind."

He handed Cartman his coupon back and nonchalantly stated, "Your first unit shall arrive today."

Cartman let out a sigh. Finally, this mother fucker finished stuttering and gave him what he needed.

"Mmmph! Mmmph mmph?" Kenny muffled questioningly as they walked back to Cartman's house.

"Oh, my plan. Cartman smiled deviously. "I'm going to sell them on E-bay. I bet we'll get a couple thousand from the new fad to have these stupid robot things."

When Cartman and Kenny arrived back at the Cartman residence, they found a man and a truck waiting for them, both sporting the same mint green flying rabbit.

"Excuse me, anyone home?" the man called out, lost.

"No one's home you dumbass. My mom's gone on vacation." Cartman lamented, sarcastic.

The man turned to him, still having that baffled look on his face. "But I thought someone ordered a Hetalia unit from this house, am I right?" The young man's face turned into panic. "Oh blimey, did I get the address wrong again? My boss is going to-"

"No, no, you got the address right." Cartman smirked. "I ordered them."

The man's face once again morphed into confusion. "You? Teenage girls are usually our customers. I thought maybe a sister of yours or-"

"Are you going to give me my package?" Cartman's eyes turned into slits.

The man instantly turned pale. "N-no sir. Here's your p-package."

He then proceeded to dump a huge wooden box on Cartman's lawn.

"Holy shit, this thing is fucking huge!" Cartman yelped.

The delivery man shrugged. "That's what you got expect from the Hetalia units. You next two should arrive in less than half a week."

And with that, the delivery man drove his flying bunny truck out of Cartman's and Kenny's sight.

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**Please review. Every time someone reviews, I feel inclined to continue. Critiques are welcome. Can you guess who the unit it is**?


	3. AN

**Hey guys, It's Asian Anime Gamer.**

**So all of you are probably dying for the next chapter, but I've got bad news.**

**It's the end of the year exams for me, and I'm trying to cram as much as possible, so all of my stories will be suspended for a week or two. Don' worry, I've got the next chapter for this fanfic on paper, I just need type it up. But if I don't get high marks, all my fanfics might as well end.**

**With the best, **

**AAG.**


	4. the Turk

**I AM SO SORRY FOR CUTTING BACk ON THIS STORY. I AM ALSO SO SORRY THIS SO SHORT. I had to cut it back because if I typed up the entire chapter, it would take forever to update. Got busy updating with other fics. Enjoy this chapter!**

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Kenny and Cartman watched until bunny dude drove away off the face of the earth, or at least until he was out of sight.

Cartman turned to look at Kenny. "Well what now?"

Kenny nodded his head toward the box. "Mmph mmph mmph?"

"Well, duh!" Cartman smacked Kenny over his head. "Of course we open the fucking box!"

_"Why would you ask then?"_ thought Kenny as he rubbed his sore spot.

Cartman attempted to push the wooden crate in any sort of way, but it refused to budge. Finally, after 17 failed tries, Cartman gave up and went to get a metal roller.

When they finished rolling the unit into Cartman's living room, Cartman carefully inspected the large container. He found ad thin paper book poking out of the side.

He read aloud the title. "The User guide and Owner's manual for the SADIK ADAN unit." He flipped to the next page.

"Okay, it says here that he responds to Sadik, Turkey, the Turk, Ottoman Empire, and baba. Yadyadyad." Cartman's eyes glazed over. "Place of Manufacture, blah, height, blah, weight, blah, length… covers two continents?! Damn."

Cartman skipped over the accessories section and began to read aloud the programming paragraphs.

"So basically, we can use him to get cash for ourselves. Fucking awesome!" Cartman smiled slyly. "So we can choose whether he can be an Artist, an enforcer, debater, or a chef. Don't like any of those, but I guess chef or debater could work."

Cartman peered over the box to see is Kenny was paying any attention at all.

"So it says to remove this unit dude, you need to 'wake him up.'" Cartman rolled his eyes. "That's stupid. He should wake up whenever I tell him to."

He scanned over the methods.

"The first method is to drag a dumb cat in here. The second method is to brew coffee, the third method is to play music, and the fourth method is to place another unit here. Well that's not going to work." Cartman scoffed. "He's our first unit." He glanced at the last method. "The last one is to politely ask using... Turkish Endearments?! Hell no!"

"Which ones are we supposed to use? Most of them are shit. Kenny? Kenny!" Cartman glared daggers at him.

Kenny was hunched over his phone, quietly muffling into it, not giving a single fuck about what Cartman was saying.

"Get of my phone, Kenny!" Cartman barked.

Kenny gave Cartman a peeved look and hung up.

Cartman angrily tapped his foot.

"Well? Why don't you help me in waking this robot thing up?"

Kenny rolled his eyes and then pointed at method three. "Mmph Mmmph!"

"Three? Why that?"

**_-Ding Dong-_**

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**OH NO WHO IS IT?**


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